I had to postpone today's joke due to personal reasons. A group of my fellow rodents who happen to be rats are being unjustly persecuted. As we speak , their homes are being demolished by bulldozers for road building purposes. I first read about this atrocity on Willow's site. Willows's uncaring point of view , made me aware of the need to enlighten people everywhere, to the plight of the rat. I posted this comment on Willow's site, and later decided to post it here.
With the exception of bubonic plague( and blame the fleas for that one), there is no scientific evidence to prove that rats are harmful. THey stay in the dark ,mind their own business, and don't bother anyone, save for smaller defenseless animals, who happen to wander by. Some people even have them as pets. I have shared my den with a few rats during the great potato famine, and if you can stand the smell, they're not half bad. I might add, they were good travel companions on the long voyage to North America.So what if we ate the fruit and the ships crew got scurvy. They would have done the same to us. We try to live a peaceful life, yet you harass us, set traps for us , send your tomcats after us, and shoot at us. Just last week, my cousin, Ernie was stabbed to death by a pitchfork, in the hands of a crazed farmer, for eating a little grain. A pitchfork I say!!There is a story passed down by the beavers and otters that foretells of a great leader who will one day come from a family of martens. One day we will rise up under that great leader, and he shall set us free from the chains of our oppression, and we will take over the world. And his name shall be King.
Marten Robert King.
UNfortunately, this will require a nuclear war to set off this chain of events, but good things come to he who waits
37 comments:
Stinkin rat lover.
Just remember me when Marten Robert King takes over. I had pet rats I was rather fond of at one time. If King needs proof, they're buried in my backyard.
I must admit my ex and I had a snake and we had to feed it mice...ick.
-N
My friend has a pet rat that she just l-o-v-e-s. But I thought you were a badger. And a sneaky one at that.
One of your little chimpmunk cousins has made a home under my porch. I know he's a disease filled little varmit, but damn he's cute.
anon, is that bad?
morb, sorry but in the future, most humans will be kept in cages and forced to run on wheels. This was a selling point, to get the hampsters to join the alliance.
natalia, you say ick, the mouse squeeks ouch.
baby,I may be a sneaky badger, but all of us critters have to stick together.Shame on you for spreading lies about that chipmunk. He's probably the one who's been digging up the cat feces, and planting it in the guest room, to frame the your cat. Cats! Arrogant and independent, but none too bright.
hmm...I starting to like rodents now.
Armaedes, badgers are able to regenerate themselves. At this moment, I have re-attained the staus of a twelve year old.
Bh, we would love to have you as our spokesmodel. Our current badger-hottie unfortunately got a case of the mange, and is no longer presentable to the public.
She now suffers from agoraphobia.
I once had a white rat that I was quite fond of.. Ozzie was his name.
Just thinking, are you sure that you don't mean "and bingo was his name-o"?
As much as I like rodents, there is no way I'm going to be put in a cage and made to run on a wheel. I need to be free to go to and fro, hither and thither...even though I usually just end up going to the liquor store.
I'll just have to form a resistance. I've done it before and I can do it again.
Rats are ok! I have them in my garage!!!
Morb, the game "mousetrap" comes to mind, with maybe a human version.
Jill, proof that Rodney King'S,"why can't we all just get along" is alive and well. I guess you could beat up one of the rats with a baton, to really give it meaning.
In the event that rodents will one day enslave man and rule the planet, I should be as diplomatic as possible. Instead, I say to you, TRAP THIS, MOTHERFUCKER!
However, due to the threat of human enslavement, I have begun gathering lots and lots of weapons and experimental chemicals. I quite enjoy this, so thank you for giving me an excuse to do so.
About the spokesmodel thing...Will I get paid? Are there any fringe benefits?
Badger I think you need an avatar of some sort. What do you say?
Morb, experimental chemicals are a way of life for many rats who live in captivity in lab throughout the world. Soon we will be immune.
Bh, we definately want you, but different factions fighting for control, have different ideas for payment. The pacific northwest delegate says apples, the South says peanuts, the asians say sushi, and the sunni rodents want to pay you in figs.
Fringe benefits may or may not include free beer, your pick of a rodent personal attendant and groomer, all the wormy apples you can eat, and catcalls and shrill whistles from numerous furry suiters. Stalkers( usually from the weasil clan) will be hunted down and poisoned.
Willow,you have again shown hostility towards the rodent nation. How dare you invoke the cursed pied piper. The arch enemy of the rat.
We weren't prepared for him last time, and fell prey to his whimsical charms, but this time we will not be swayed so easily. We have learned drom the teachings of the prophet Willard, and have counter-measures in place.
May all your cheese be half eaten, and your cereal have turds in it.
Baby, i'm game if you are, but who ties up who?
You may soon be immune to chemicals, but my Uncle once told me he killed rats and other rodents by leaving out large quantities of extra salty peanut butter. It made the rodents so thirsty they drank water until their stomachs exploded.
Urban legend? Possibly. But do you dare run the risk of the same thing happening to your fellow critters on a much grander scale? Instead of peanut butter I will use pretzels, and in the place of water I shall use beer! There is no hope of escape.
You and willow would make a great team of rodent hunters.
I never wanted to be a rodent hunter Badgerbob, I just don't seem to have much of a choice. After all, better to reign in human hell than to serve in rodent heaven.
Come to Dublin Badger; you'll never be more than six feet away from a rat again!
You can't make him look like a dumbass, Willow....he is one already....you dirty rat....crawl into your rathole...rat tat a tat....rat fink....rat tail....Skippy peanut butter rats...sewer rats....Red Sox Nation rats....Rats of mass destruction.....Cindy Sheehan rats.....Louisiana Bayou swamp rats...and the rat spin stops here!!!!
There are certain subway stations that always have rats and mice running around the tracks. I'm never disappointed when I'm waiting for a train at Penn Station, or Times Square. I love to see those little guys down there, sniffing around.
it's true. Rodents everywhere deserve more respect.
Blueprincesa .....you are quite the dipstick...rodents deserve respect...I hope they have you for dinner
randomactsofmadness dreams of eating rodents but rodents would notdream of eating you so leave blueprincesa alone.
badgerbob you r mental cause u think that you are a badger and the ones who blog here are also sick in the head. drunk girl has a dirty site and willow thinks she is a tree and i hope she gets root rot and only a sick person would use morbid as there name and babyjewels looks like an ugly kid. i like jill and i think natalie is ok. rats will never hurt you only peopel hurt you
FUCKING RAT LOVERS
Morb, rest easy, I have been informed that we are going to need a few humans to be stewards(much like what you see in prisons) to watch the captives who will be growing our grain. If we kill y'all, who will do the work?
As for your hoarding of chemicals, we have some sunni rodents who may be interested in a straight up trade. They are willing to give you immunity, and a lifelong supply of figs and camel dung.
Shan, I do have a love for green beer, and a good feed of corned beef, but unfortunately, the Belfast Area Ratfink Federation,(B.A.R.F), has me on their watch list, and it is not safe for me to enter your Country.
Willow, I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but we have just made a pact with a herd of turtles. Negotiations went very slow,(no surprise there), but they are sending us a hitter from the windy city. His mission is to take you out. I gotta warn you, that he's quite a snapper.
I do not negotiate with terrorist rodents. Besides, I hate figs...and presumably, camel dung.
Random, you left out rat-bastard.
New York, I've met a couple of those rats. Carmine and Vinny. They were working some kind of token scam at the time. They reeked of cheap skunk oil, and had slicked back fur.
Blue, the muskrats want to challenge you to a mud wrestling contest. They say that they will throw the match. It is clothing optional. I would advise against it , because they are a slimy lot
anon, what do these "peopel"
look like? Are they short stout green men?
Dr reverend, AH the good doctor! Half doctor, half priest. There are some comments on willow's blog that may be of interest to you. Something about stained underwear.
Morb, you are proving to be a worthy adversary. I think it's time to get the beavers involved. Nothing like a furry beaver , to get inside a man's head, and mess him up.
Damn you Badgerbob! I have no experience with beavers! Not only have I never seen a beaver, but I've never seen a beaver eat wood. Yet, we shall overcome. God, I'm drunk. You may have won this time, but I will be back.
I think I have the support of the Ornithorhynchus anatinus. And those fuckers are crazy. God's evolutionary mistake. Deal with that!
Willow,remember , there is always a plan "B", which may or may not include a team of wolverines from Michigan.
In-fighting amongst those who would oppress us.A beautiful thing. Due to mobid's propensity towards alcohol, Wesleyweasilkiller has been approached as a backup . We have chosen to overlook the obvious name implications, due to his vast knowledge of the prison system, and would consider him to be a good candidate for a warden.As the "Great Fieval" once said. "Go west"
You can enjoy all the RATS you want. NOT ME!! I grew up with a field beside my house and a barn in the backyard. Have witnessed rats bigger than cats...no thank you. Shoot them ALL!! (LOL) I felt sorry for my cats, they would not even mess with them.
I do have quite the affinity for strong drink. Thankfully, I was taught how to make a strange liqor out of rodent blood and oily rags by a homeless fellow named Aldous Fox. I never wanted to resort to this drink, but if the rodents give me no choice, I'll do what I have to do.
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