Anger Management

"When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know."
One day, I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make to my anger management therapist. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Sarah Brown?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number asshole!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Sarah's correct number, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

A few weeks later, I was at my local grocery store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot, when some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfield. It's a yellow rancher, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?"
He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
A week later, I came up with a brilliant idea.
I called asshole #1.
He said, "Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, "Are you still there?"
"Yeah,"
He screamed, "Stop calling me,"
"Make me,"
He asked, "Who are you?"
"My name is Jimbob Walton."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfield, and I have a black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now,Jimbob, And you had better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and then I hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.
He said, "Hello?"
"Hello, asshole,"
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass!"
"Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfield, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
NExt, I called Channel 9 News , and told them of a gang war, about to go down on Oaktree Blvd. in Fairield.
Then, I got in my car and sped over to Fairfield.
It was a beautiful scene. The two assholes were beating the crap out of each other, in front of six cop cars, a news helicopter, and a couple of TV news reporters.
After laughing so hard, that I broke into tears, I suddenly realized, that I hadn't felt this good in years.
" I guess Anger management really does work!"