DEMOCRAT - You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN -You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST -You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST -You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE -You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE -You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION -You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION -You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION -You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION -You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION -You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION -You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION -You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you can not touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
IRAQI CORPORATION -You have two cows. They go in hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.
FLORIDA CORPORATION-You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION -You have millions of cows. Most are illegals.
5 comments:
In California millions of the cows are illegal, yes, but the media never shuts up about how the illegal cows will eat all the grasses the legal cows won't. However, if the Government in California would stop hand-feeding good grasses to the legal cows that are too lazy to graze for themselves, then they would have no choice but to eat the grasses that supposedly only the illegal cows will eat. Problem solved.
Excellent!!!!!!!!!!!
Shouldn't that be Your Excellency?
Maybe California should just hand over all of the grass to the illegal cows, because they used to be in possession of it anyway. And while they are at it, send all of the Berkeleyites back to Salem for prosecution by fire or flotation. Brink back the stockades, thereby encouraging the tomato and egg industry, and lessening our dependence on grass.
If those cows want the land back, the least they could do is use war to take it back instead of coming here in such great numbers they'll soon run the place before any of the legal cows know what happened. I don't understand why they don't just assimilate, but that's always been my problem: I'm too logical.
Agony...
Post a Comment