FLORIDA

Florida (Reuters)
Day 2 - Florida Blizzard 2005- Revenge of the Commuters

Chilled Florida commuters faced their second day of winter hell today,as an additional ¼ inch of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the lower half of the state to its knees, and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops.
Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particle and experts from Minnesota are being flown in.
With temperatures dipping to near zero , Floridians were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out. Miami police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso, or biscotti to see them through Florida's most terrible storm to date.
The local Walmart reported, that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.
Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive. Although most have no idea how to use it. Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority
reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25
below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Target.
"The government has to do something," snarled an angry movie star. "I didn't pay $940,000 for my one bedroom condo, so I could sit around and be treated like someone from New York."