1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good ole boys", we will never "interfere" again.
2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.
3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.
4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.
6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.
7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we'll go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of know that what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.
11) The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...
Now, isn't that a winner of a plan? The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses. She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "
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6 comments:
Might as well complete the plan by shipping the Statue of Liberty back to the French.
I think this is brilliant. Except I don't agree with #10--I
m already charming and beautiful. Nor do I agree entirely with #9. The UN Headquarters used as a homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens???? Are you crazy? FUCK THAT! It's prime real estate on the East River! I say convert the place into luxury condos. Sounds like a great project for Trump.
Bayi, maybe we could attatch it to a missile.
Nym, what was I thinking?
After stealing this plan, I obviously should have consulted you, before the final edit. #10 is now on a per person basis, and #9 could work, if I get a luxury penthouse suite, so that I can look down on the huddled masses. It would be like my own private ant farm.
You're no different than everyone else. They realize after the fact that I should have been consulted. After all, I am a brilliant, hot badger babe.
Of course you'd have your own badger penthouse. I'm assuming I'd have a standing invite...
Attach the Statute of Liberty with missiles? Excellent idea! See if the missiles and the statute can land on the Eiffel Tower!
Pretty good plan, really; although, it's a little too nice for me. I wish people would just hurry the fuck up and make me president so I can start making some changes. By making changes I mean kicking people's asses.
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