A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'
'Where are you going, Coochy Coo?' asked the wife.
'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he answered. I'm going to have a beer.'
The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses... ' He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted .
'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvre s that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'
'You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.
'But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'
'You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? Ok.
LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN. SHUT THE HELL UP! DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES, BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO ANY DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER. GOT IT, JACKASS?'
and...they lived happily ever after.
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5 comments:
Did he cry?
Oh, did I leave out the part, about him hacking her up with a dull butterknife, and burying her in the neighbor's backyard?
I just assumed that most people would realize that something of that nature had happened, when I said that they lived happily ever after.
I would have guessed he used an old pocket knife to gouge out her abdominal organs, and used her femurs to pound her corpse into a fine paste--which he later spread on toast. Bros before hos, man--even if that ho is your wife.
Down at the bar, they have a bartender who listens to all your marital problems without charging extra...
would that be south bar?
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