One day, a Highway Patrol cop came upon a bad accident.
A man and a woman were both dead from a car crash. The accident seemed to have no apparent explanation, until the cop looked up on the hillside and saw a monkey waving his arms at him, as if to say something.
The cop yelled, "Hey monkey ... do you know what happened here?"
The monkey began jumping up and down, motioning with his arms, as if he was drinking a bottle of some kind.
Cop: "They were drinking?"
The monkey nodded his head, vigorously.
Cop: "What else?"
The monkey mimed smoking a joint.
Cop: "They were smoking dope?"
Again, the monkey nodded his head vigorously.
Cop: "There must have been more. This is a very strange accident. Monkey! What else?"
The monkey began miming sexual intercourse.
Cop: "They were screwing?"
For a third time, the monkey nodded his head.
Cop: "This still doesn't make any sense.
Hey monkey! What were you doing while all this was going on?"
The monkey got all excited and with a huge grin began makin steering motions, as if he was driving the car, while looking behind him.
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10 comments:
omg.
what a neat trick to teach your monkey!
Mine used to cook my food, until I caught him spitting in it. Shortly after that episode, I tasted my first grilled monkey.
It was actually quite tasty, with a distinct banana flavor.
Maybe next time you grill some monkey, he'll spill the beans and spit the whole story out.
Was it really a monkey, or was it a chimp? You know, 'cause monkeys are all cute, but a chimp can eat a human.
Willow, didn't you spend your early years being raised by a family of apes?
Morb, have you witnessed such a spectacle?
I'll have you know Badger Bonaduce, that I spent my formative years being surrounded by religious fanatics, who I will admit, on occassion were known to go into a feeding frenzy and grab food with both hands and shove it down their throat with no regard to manners or the rules of polite society.
Is that what your ape captors call the annual banana harvest festival?
I must say willow, that I am curious, as to what age you made the smooth transition to the mental health ward at the Butterscotch Palace?
The early orientals used to have monkeys do their chores until they realized that there was more to the monkey business than meets the eye.
Subsequently they perfected a special dish where a monkey is tied under a table with only the top of its head protruding through a small circular hole at the table centre. The chef shaves that part of the monkey's head and saws off the skull, all this while the monkey is alive! the happy diners use straws to suck the monkey's brains to their satisfaction.
This still happens despite official denials by the authorities. You can experience this adventure in remote parts of Thailand, China, Korea, Myamar and possibly Japan.
Yeah, dude. I saw this special on Animal Planet where this chimp ate an African baby and tried to eat this other lady's leg. Chimps can also ride bikes, plagiarize Shakespeare, and smoke camel cigarettes.
Good thing Toonces wasn't driving. He would have fucked the corpses.
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