Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day , concerning guns and children.
Here is a portion of the National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and General Reinwald, who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers. GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Meeting The Parents
A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.
The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through dinner the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer, without exploding.
A tiny fart escaped.
"SPOT!" Yelled the young woman's mother, to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet.
Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply.
"I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.
"Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here now, before he shits on you!"
The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through dinner the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer, without exploding.
A tiny fart escaped.
"SPOT!" Yelled the young woman's mother, to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet.
Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply.
"I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.
"Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here now, before he shits on you!"
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Blondes PT.VII
One day, a blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. The nexyt morning, when the milkman read the note, he thought, there must be a mistake, and that she probably meant 1.5 gallons. So he knocked on her door to clarify the point.
When the blonde came to the door the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs.
I can always splash it in my eyes
When the blonde came to the door the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs.
I can always splash it in my eyes
Retards
Tongue Twister
See if you can do this:
Read each line aloud
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is retard cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each linefrom the top.
See if you can do this:
Read each line aloud
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is retard cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each linefrom the top.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Viagra
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask about reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish Viagra". It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who inquired as to her progress.
The poor lady exclaimed, "Oh, doctor, it was horrible! Just horrible!"
"Really? What happened? " asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped my clothes to shreds and took me then and there, on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"
"It was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show my face in that Starbucks again!"
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish Viagra". It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who inquired as to her progress.
The poor lady exclaimed, "Oh, doctor, it was horrible! Just horrible!"
"Really? What happened? " asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped my clothes to shreds and took me then and there, on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"
"It was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show my face in that Starbucks again!"
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
The Virginia Tech Massacre (As Witnessed By A Gunshot Victim)
The gunman in the black leather jacket came into the classroom shooting and did not leave until everything was still, said Virginia Tech sophomore Derek O’Dell.
“He didn’t say anything; that’s the weirdest part,” said O’Dell, who was shot in the arm during Monday’s massacre at Virginia Tech. “No screaming, no yelling. He just shot people.”
O’Dell, a 2005 graduate of Cave Spring High School in Roanoke County, said he was in German class on the second floor of Norris Hall when he heard what he thought was a hammer banging on the wall of a nearby room.
Suddenly, the door swung open and the shooter, described as an Asian man wearing a jacket and a maroon baseball cap, mechanically opened fire, reloaded his handgun and then started shooting again, O’Dell said.
“He was very quick in reloading, so it looked like he’d been trained,” said the 20-year-old biological sciences student.
O’Dell said he crouched under his desk while some of his classmates, and possibly their professor, were shot around him.
“No one was really moving,” he said.
O’Dell estimated that 10 to 15 of the roughly 20 students in his class were shot. He did not know how many were killed.
At least 33 people were killed in Monday’s shootings at Norris Hall, a classroom building, and earlier at West Ambler Johnston Hall, a dormitory. Authorities had not identified the gunman late Monday night.
After the shooter left O’Dell’s classroom, O’Dell said that he and a man who appeared uninjured shut the door and barricaded it with their feet, fearing the gunman would return.
“We heard more gunshots down the hall and I realized I had been shot,” O’Dell said.
He said he wrapped his belt around the wound on his upper right arm to stop the bleeding.
As they held shut the wooden door, which did not have a lock, the shooter returned and tried to muscle inside, O’Dell said.
“He got the door open maybe an inch or two and then we were able to shut it again,” O’Dell recalled.
The man shot at the door from outside and then left, O’Dell said. More shots were fired outside the room, and the shooter came back again and tried the door. Again he shot at the door and walked away.
The shooter was found in Norris Hall after he killed himself, authorities said.
O’Dell said he was taken from the building after police arrived.
He was treated and released from Montgomery Regional Hospital.
O’Dell’s father, Roger O’Dell, said he heard about the ordeal after his sister-in-law left him a message between 9:30 and 10 a.m., and his son called from the hospital about 10:20 a.m.
Roger O’Dell said he did not know if anyone from Virginia Tech tried to contact him.
“I didn’t believe it at first,” Roger O’Dell said.
“And the magnitude ... I didn’t realize it at first.”
“He didn’t say anything; that’s the weirdest part,” said O’Dell, who was shot in the arm during Monday’s massacre at Virginia Tech. “No screaming, no yelling. He just shot people.”
O’Dell, a 2005 graduate of Cave Spring High School in Roanoke County, said he was in German class on the second floor of Norris Hall when he heard what he thought was a hammer banging on the wall of a nearby room.
Suddenly, the door swung open and the shooter, described as an Asian man wearing a jacket and a maroon baseball cap, mechanically opened fire, reloaded his handgun and then started shooting again, O’Dell said.
“He was very quick in reloading, so it looked like he’d been trained,” said the 20-year-old biological sciences student.
O’Dell said he crouched under his desk while some of his classmates, and possibly their professor, were shot around him.
“No one was really moving,” he said.
O’Dell estimated that 10 to 15 of the roughly 20 students in his class were shot. He did not know how many were killed.
At least 33 people were killed in Monday’s shootings at Norris Hall, a classroom building, and earlier at West Ambler Johnston Hall, a dormitory. Authorities had not identified the gunman late Monday night.
After the shooter left O’Dell’s classroom, O’Dell said that he and a man who appeared uninjured shut the door and barricaded it with their feet, fearing the gunman would return.
“We heard more gunshots down the hall and I realized I had been shot,” O’Dell said.
He said he wrapped his belt around the wound on his upper right arm to stop the bleeding.
As they held shut the wooden door, which did not have a lock, the shooter returned and tried to muscle inside, O’Dell said.
“He got the door open maybe an inch or two and then we were able to shut it again,” O’Dell recalled.
The man shot at the door from outside and then left, O’Dell said. More shots were fired outside the room, and the shooter came back again and tried the door. Again he shot at the door and walked away.
The shooter was found in Norris Hall after he killed himself, authorities said.
O’Dell said he was taken from the building after police arrived.
He was treated and released from Montgomery Regional Hospital.
O’Dell’s father, Roger O’Dell, said he heard about the ordeal after his sister-in-law left him a message between 9:30 and 10 a.m., and his son called from the hospital about 10:20 a.m.
Roger O’Dell said he did not know if anyone from Virginia Tech tried to contact him.
“I didn’t believe it at first,” Roger O’Dell said.
“And the magnitude ... I didn’t realize it at first.”
International Disadvantaged People's Day
In celebration of International Disadvantaged People's Day,
Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend...just as I've done.
I don't care if you lick windows, screw farm animals, take the short bus, or occasionally shit yourself...
You hang in there sunshine, you're fucking special.
Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend...just as I've done.
I don't care if you lick windows, screw farm animals, take the short bus, or occasionally shit yourself...
You hang in there sunshine, you're fucking special.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
A Scary Thought
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both women barely large enough to see over the dashboard.
As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just
went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things.
She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it.
She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and cried, "Oh shit! Am I driving?"
As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just
went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things.
She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it.
She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and cried, "Oh shit! Am I driving?"
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Wrigley's
A Scotsman was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an English tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Scotsman politely ignored the Englishman, who, nevertheless, tarted up a conversation.
The Englishman snapped his gum and said, "You Scots folk eat the whole bread?"
The Scot frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."
The Englishman blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In England, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Scotland." The Englishman had a smirk on his face.
The Scotsman listened in silence.
The Englishman persisted. "Do you eat jam with the bread?"
Sighing, the Scot replied, "Of course."
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the Englishman said, "We don't. In England, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell to Scotland."
The Scot then asked, "Do you have sex in England?"
The Englishman smiled and said, "Why of course we do."
The Scotsman leaned closer to him and asked, "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
"We throw them away, of course."
Now it was the Scots turn to smile. "We don't. In Scotland, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to England. Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?"
The Englishman snapped his gum and said, "You Scots folk eat the whole bread?"
The Scot frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."
The Englishman blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In England, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Scotland." The Englishman had a smirk on his face.
The Scotsman listened in silence.
The Englishman persisted. "Do you eat jam with the bread?"
Sighing, the Scot replied, "Of course."
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the Englishman said, "We don't. In England, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell to Scotland."
The Scot then asked, "Do you have sex in England?"
The Englishman smiled and said, "Why of course we do."
The Scotsman leaned closer to him and asked, "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
"We throw them away, of course."
Now it was the Scots turn to smile. "We don't. In Scotland, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to England. Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?"
Monday, April 09, 2007
Six Shots Of Vodka
A man walks into a bar and asks for six shots of vodka.
The bartender says, "Six shots? What's wrong?"
"I found out my older brother is gay," replied the man.
The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka.
"What now?" asked the bartender.
"I found out my younger brother is gay," replied the man.
The night after that, the man walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka.
"Geez, does ANYBODY in your family like women?" asked the bartender.
The man replied, "Yeah, my wife does."
The bartender says, "Six shots? What's wrong?"
"I found out my older brother is gay," replied the man.
The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka.
"What now?" asked the bartender.
"I found out my younger brother is gay," replied the man.
The night after that, the man walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka.
"Geez, does ANYBODY in your family like women?" asked the bartender.
The man replied, "Yeah, my wife does."
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
America's Smartest Woman
An airplane was about to crash. There were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, and I can't afford to die" So he took the first pack and left the plane.
The 2ND passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the wife of a former US President, a NY State Senator, and a potential future president. And I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die." She took the second pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, Ted Kennedy said, "I am a US Senator, the Democratic party needs me, and my liver still has some good years left." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped.
The 4Th passenger, Billy Graham, said to the 5Th passenger, a 10 year old schoolgirl, "I am old and frail and don't have many years left, so as a Christian, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The girl said, "That's okay. There's a parachute left for you.
America's smartest woman just jumped out of the plane with my school backpack."
The 2ND passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the wife of a former US President, a NY State Senator, and a potential future president. And I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die." She took the second pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, Ted Kennedy said, "I am a US Senator, the Democratic party needs me, and my liver still has some good years left." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped.
The 4Th passenger, Billy Graham, said to the 5Th passenger, a 10 year old schoolgirl, "I am old and frail and don't have many years left, so as a Christian, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The girl said, "That's okay. There's a parachute left for you.
America's smartest woman just jumped out of the plane with my school backpack."
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
The Good News
A guy goes to see a doctor and after a series of tests the doctor comes in and says,
"I've got some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?"
asks the patient.
"The bad news is that unfortunately, you've only got 3 months to live."
The patient is shocked, "Oh my god! Well what's the good news then, doctor?"
The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk,
"You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up to heaven?"
The patient says, "Yes."
The doctor smiles and replies, "I'm banging her!"
"I've got some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?"
asks the patient.
"The bad news is that unfortunately, you've only got 3 months to live."
The patient is shocked, "Oh my god! Well what's the good news then, doctor?"
The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk,
"You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up to heaven?"
The patient says, "Yes."
The doctor smiles and replies, "I'm banging her!"
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