A Schitty Post

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced theSchitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
Sincerely,Crock O. Schitt

Fishing With Grandpa

One day, Little Johnny and his grandfather had gone fishing. After a while grandpa got thirsty and opened up his cooler for a beer.
Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa can I have a beer too?"
"Can you stick your penis in your asshole?" grandpa grunted back.
"No"
"Well, than your not big enough!" Grandpa then took out a cigarette and lit up. Little Johnny saw this and asked for one too."
Can you stick your penis in your asshole?" growled grandpa .
"No"
"Well, than your still not big enough"
Little Johnny got upset and pulled out some cookies, that his grandma had packed him.
His grandfather noticed this and said, "Hey kid, those cookies look pretty good. Can I have one?" Little Johnny replied, "Can you stick your penis in your asshole?"
Grandpa looked at Johnny and laughed. "Well of course I can. I'm big enough."
Little Johnny shouted, "Well, then go fuck yourself! These are my cookies"

A Stinking Holiday

DES MOINES, Iowa - It was a stinky holiday for Robert Schoff.
The 77-year-old man spent part of Christmas Eve stuck upside down in the opening of his septic tank, with his head inside and his feet kicking in the air above.
"It wasn't good, I'll tell you what," Schoff said Tuesday. "It was the worst Christmas Eve I've ever had.
Schoff reached into the tank Monday in an effort to find a clog,(big turd) but he lost his balance and got wedged into the opening.
The 5-foot-5-inch, 135-pound Schoff hollered and screamed for help, but it was an hour before his wife, Toni, walked by a window and saw his feet in the air.
"I saw these kicking feet and ran out, but couldn't get him out," Toni Schoff said.
She called 911 and two Polk County sheriff's deputies yanked her husband out of the tank.
"I thought it was the end of my life," Schoff said. "Thank God my wife saw me. I don't think I could have stood staying in there much more."