IQ Test

Here's a one question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day.

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to theshopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer.....................................................













He opens his mouth and says."I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses".

If you got this wrong , spend the rest of your day getting drunk to help cope with your obvious stupidity.

Brokeback Mountain

One day, two cowboys were riding the range, and checking fences, when they came across a sheep, with its head stuck in the fence. The first cowboy , got off his horse, walked over, screwed the sheep, pulled up his pants, got back on his horse, and lit a cigarette.
The other cowboy just stared at him ,in total shock.
"Sorry ," said the first cowboy, "Do you want to have a go?"
The second cowboy thought about it for a moment, smiled and said, "Allright".
He got off his horse, pulled down his pants, hobbled over to the fence, stuck his head in it and said,
"Well, come on then!"

ALLIGATORS

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genital, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer."I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A woman timidly spoke up, "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

Texas

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling.
''WHICH ONE OF YOU STINKIN SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HORSE?'' he yelled.
No one answered.
''ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER, AND IF MY HORSE AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T WANT TO BE FORCED, TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!''
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and found that his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, ''Say partner, before you go. . .what happened in Texas?''
The cowboy looked back at him, and said, ''I had to walk home.''

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden…
“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet”.
“Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee”.
So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.
There’s raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there’s fried bacon, backbacon, double smoked bacon…every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!
“Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree”.
“Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don’ forget”.
“Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon…ees nomeerage, ees a bacon tree”.
And with that…Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 feet, with
Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens fire, and Luis is cut down is his tracks.
It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
“Pepe…go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree”
“Luis, Luis mi amigo…what ees eet?”
“Pepe…ees not a bacon tree…. Ees, a Ham Bush”

ARE YOU A PSYCHO ????

Psychopath test:
Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has got it right.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?[Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below]
















































































Answer:She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you.If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off my email list...

Horseback Riding

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along, and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!", so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant."
"Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles

The Perfect Chain Letter

At last !! A decent chain letter as opposed to normal chain letters/pyramid schemes, this one costs nothing, and you can only win. Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your male friends.

INSTRUCTIONS:
anesthetize your wife, and put her in a large carton, (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list.
Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the mail.
Statistically, among those women, will be at least:
0.5 Miss Worlds
2.5 Models
463 Wild nymphos
3,234 Good-looking nymphos
20,198 Who enjoy multiple orgasms
40,198 Bi-sexual women.
In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you mailed off.
And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER!
One guy for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original girlfriend back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial _expression on her face.
On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter).
While I am sending this letter, the guy that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion.
Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL.

This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women). No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement.
Do not hesitate........ send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.

PS. - Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner; none of the other women that arrives will know how to use it.
PPS. - This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake

The Eye

A man was dining in a fancy restaurant and saw a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back to her.
"Oh my! I am so sorry ", the woman said, as she popped her eye back in it's place. "Let me buy your dinner, to say thankyou," she said.
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre and followed up with drinks. They talked, they laughed, and she shared her deepest dreams with him. After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come back to her place for a nightcap, and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooked a gourmet breakfast . The guy was amazed!! Everything had been so incredible!!! !
"You know, "he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "
"No," she replied, "you just happened to catch my eye"

Gender Bending

You may not know this, but many nonliving things have a gender.

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10) A Remote Control is Female.
Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you?
But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

The Painter

A blonde woman decided one day, that she was sick and tired of hearing her husband
tell blonde jokes, and listening to him say, that so many blondes are just plain dumb. So she decided to set an example, to show her husband that lots of blondes really are smart.
While her husband was at work, she decided that she would paint the house, and so she set to work.
Later, that afternoon, her husband arrived home to the distinctive smell of paint.
He walked into the living room and found his wife lying on the floor, in a pool of sweat, looking exhausted.
He found it odd, that she was wearing a winter parka and a leather jacket at the same time, and asked her if she felt ok.
She said she was just a little overheated from working, all day.
He asked what she had been doing, and she said that she had wanted to prove to
him that not all blonde women are dumb, and had decided to do this by painting the house.
He thought about this for a minute, and then asked her, why she had on a parka, over her leather jacket.
She replied that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said..........
For best results, put on two coats!!!

Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their
cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,
the second man was an Accountant,
the third man was a Chemist,,,,,,and
the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some
paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square,
and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said,
"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned
with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles
of 3 cookies.............Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his
cat and said,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of
milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee
and said, "What can your cat do?"

The Government Employee called his cat and said,,,,,
"CoffeeBreak,,,,do your stuff."
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet,,,,,,,,,,,
ate the cookies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
drank the milk,,,,,,,,,
shit on the paper,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
screwed the other three cats,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
claimed he injured his back while doing so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,,,
put in for Workers Compensation...............and
went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............

A Politically Correct Christmas

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, secular practices of your choice, or with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006 of the common era, but not without due respect for the calendarsof choice of other cultures, nor without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, IQ, chronological status, mental deficiencies, religious faith, or sexual preference or practices of the wishee.By accepting this greeting, you are agreeing to these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishers.This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual applicationof good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishers. All taxes are the responsibility of the wishee, and the decision of a panel of arbitrators is final in the event of a dispute. In spite of being advised that the above small print should be included, we will content ourselves with:Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The Great Debate

When the hospital Board of Directors asked a panel of doctors to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, this is how it went:
The Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised no rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians stated they were all laboring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body," while the Pediatricians said, "Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness.
The Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing, and the Radiologists could see right through it.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow; the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter".
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
And so in the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some asshole.

Posties

There was a man who worked for the Post Office . His job was processing all mail with poorly written addresses. One day, a letter came addressed to God, in shaky handwriting . He decided to open it, to see what it was about.

The letter read,
Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100.00 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to his co- workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady, and addressed to God. Everyone gathered round, while the letter was opened.

It read; Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4.00 missing.
I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.