Tree Hugger

A woman from LA, who was an environmentalist, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland to save it from loggers. There was a large tree, on one of the highest points, in the tract. Wanting a good view of the natural splendor of her land, she decided to climb the tree. As she neared the top, she encountered an owl .The owl, who happened to be of a species on the endangered list, began to attack her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree ,and while doing so , got some large splinters stuck in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, and explained how she had gotten the splinters. The doctor listened to her story, and then told her to go into the examining room, where he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"He smiled and said, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down."

Lawyers

A lawyer went on a duck hunting trip to rural Minnesota. He shot a bird and it fell into a farm field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor, and asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded,"I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied,"This is my property,and you are not coming over here. The lawyer, indignantly said."I'm one of the best trial attorneys in New York, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Aparrently, you don't know how we settle disputes out here. We have something called the Minnesota Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked,"What's that?" The farmer replied,"Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times, and then you kick me three times, and so on, and so forth, back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney thought about this for a moment, decided that he could easily take the old codger, and agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer smiled, slowly climbed down from the tractor, and walked up to the lawyer. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy ,steel-toed, boot into the lawyer's groin. His second kick to, the midriff, sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours, when the farmer's third kick ,to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to struggle to his feet. Wiping his face, with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn.
The old farmer smiled and said, " Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."